Recently, I read a news article about how text messaging has influenced dating, and more specifically initial contact between two people who met and exchanged numbers. Text messaging is like a cushion for getting rejected. Instead of that first phone call possibly ending in a terribly awkward way, people can now send a witty, flirty, but not too long message and if the response is flirty then it is a go, but if the response is apathetic then move on. Text messaging allows people to be open to the possibility of a new relationship with minimal risk to their feelings.
How is this related to China, you ask? It is relative because Chinese people are crazy about text messaging. It is also relative because before I went back to America in January one of my adult students asked me for my phone number. It is not unusual for students to ask for my number and I thought nothing of it. He sent me some bland text messages once or twice before I left, but I hadn't heard from him since I came back. Until this week. He sent me a "How are you" kind of message on Sunday, the day after I got back from my visa trip to America. Then he sent me another one on Monday. This is how our text conversation went:
Him: How is it going?
Me: Good, but I am still very tired from traveling.
Him: How are you today?
Me: It is a good day. How are you?
Him: I am ok. What do you think of me?
Me: I don't really know you that well, so I don't know.
Him: En, may I be your boyfriend?
Me: I don't think that is a good idea right now, we don't know each other very well.
Him: Sorry. Have a good night.
Poor guy. Since I read that article though I don't feel too guilty about rejecting him. No doubt it would have been devastating to him had it happened in person, but luckily it was over text messages.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"I'll be home soon."
The idea of home is perplexing to someone like me who moved around a lot. It makes for awkward situations when people ask where I am from. Henceforth, I might start answering like one of my students who said, "My mom," when I asked where she was from. For the most part, I agree that home is where the heart is. But in some cases it is more complicated. For example, when I went to college I felt at home immediately. Really, I felt at home the moment I arrived to visit the school many months before. How did I have any heart invested in my school at that point in time? While at school I used the word "home" to describe both my school and the house where my parents lived. It could get confusing at times.
Even though I spent the longest amount of time living outside of Denver and I did call it "home", it never felt like home to me. New Orleans always felt more like home. It was kind of like base. We would move to a new city, but we would always return to New Orleans for the summer and sometimes for Christmas. I felt comfortable there.
Being in China now, home has become simply America. But when I went home to America two weeks ago something peculiar happened. My friend Shirley came to visit me at work the day I was leaving for Shanghai. She told me she was going to miss me and I told her, "Don't worry, I'll be home soon." This startled me. Home? At some ill-defined moment since I returned, China had become my home.
When I went home in January I wanted to stay in America; China was in no way my home. This time when I went home, I wanted to go home to visit. My life is in China - friends, school, and work. The only thing missing is my family. I suppose I have reached a level of comfort with China. I don't know that I will ever yearn for China like I do for America. I don't think I will ever be homesick for China. But it is still my home for now.
Even though I spent the longest amount of time living outside of Denver and I did call it "home", it never felt like home to me. New Orleans always felt more like home. It was kind of like base. We would move to a new city, but we would always return to New Orleans for the summer and sometimes for Christmas. I felt comfortable there.
Being in China now, home has become simply America. But when I went home to America two weeks ago something peculiar happened. My friend Shirley came to visit me at work the day I was leaving for Shanghai. She told me she was going to miss me and I told her, "Don't worry, I'll be home soon." This startled me. Home? At some ill-defined moment since I returned, China had become my home.
When I went home in January I wanted to stay in America; China was in no way my home. This time when I went home, I wanted to go home to visit. My life is in China - friends, school, and work. The only thing missing is my family. I suppose I have reached a level of comfort with China. I don't know that I will ever yearn for China like I do for America. I don't think I will ever be homesick for China. But it is still my home for now.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Fat, Thin, and In Between
As a general population, Chinese are very thin. Even the ones who are "fat" would still be normal and healthy if compared to most Americans and Westerners. Though they use a lot of oil when they cook the Chinese don't eat a lot of junk food or fast food. For desert they usually have fruit. They walk a lot more than Americans do. Americans walk from their house to their car (which is next to the house) then drive to the grocery store, or work, or school, or where ever. If the Chinese don't walk they usually take the bus, which requires more energy than driving because first you have to walk to the bus stop then you usually have to stand on the bus while holding on for dear life.
My female students like to comment on my weight. One particularly struck me when she said, "You know, if I look at your face I think you are thin. But you aren't." I have also been told many times, "I think maybe in America you are thin, but in China you are just regular." I am 5'7" and when I arrived in China I weighed just under 135, but I lost almost ten pounds since then. Still, the Chinese tell me I am not thin. I have tried to explain to them that if I weighed less I wouldn't look healthy any more. Simply put, I, and most western women, are built differently - with hips and breasts. No matter how much weight I loose, my hips will never become as narrow as theirs. Some of the Chinese look like stick people. They were appalled when I told them about ghetto booties and how some people find it attractive. Generally speaking, I manage to retain a positive body image, but in China I find it becoming and more and more difficult and more and more frustrating to be told I am not thin. Last time a girl said that to me I replied that I didn't really care what she or anyone else thought because I am healthy and happy with the way I look. It is a constant struggle and is something I have not really dealt with before.
Coming back to America it seems like the entire population has gained at least 50 pounds and grown a few inches. It used to be that I felt thin in America because comparatively I am, but being back this time I don't feel that way. Thin is relative and my relativity scale has changed. Because we are surrounded by it in America we don't notice how everyone is overweight. Our culture and eating habits encourage this. It would take a radical change in American lifestyle to reverse the trend. I am not saying Americans should be stick people like the Chinese, but if we could adopt some of the healthier aspects of their life I think the population would be much better off.
My female students like to comment on my weight. One particularly struck me when she said, "You know, if I look at your face I think you are thin. But you aren't." I have also been told many times, "I think maybe in America you are thin, but in China you are just regular." I am 5'7" and when I arrived in China I weighed just under 135, but I lost almost ten pounds since then. Still, the Chinese tell me I am not thin. I have tried to explain to them that if I weighed less I wouldn't look healthy any more. Simply put, I, and most western women, are built differently - with hips and breasts. No matter how much weight I loose, my hips will never become as narrow as theirs. Some of the Chinese look like stick people. They were appalled when I told them about ghetto booties and how some people find it attractive. Generally speaking, I manage to retain a positive body image, but in China I find it becoming and more and more difficult and more and more frustrating to be told I am not thin. Last time a girl said that to me I replied that I didn't really care what she or anyone else thought because I am healthy and happy with the way I look. It is a constant struggle and is something I have not really dealt with before.
Coming back to America it seems like the entire population has gained at least 50 pounds and grown a few inches. It used to be that I felt thin in America because comparatively I am, but being back this time I don't feel that way. Thin is relative and my relativity scale has changed. Because we are surrounded by it in America we don't notice how everyone is overweight. Our culture and eating habits encourage this. It would take a radical change in American lifestyle to reverse the trend. I am not saying Americans should be stick people like the Chinese, but if we could adopt some of the healthier aspects of their life I think the population would be much better off.
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